Collapse of Canada temporarily put on hold.
Canada’s top politicians – including Prime Minister Justin Trudeau – took a break from the imminent destruction of our nation to attend the Toronto Raptors victory parade.
With Canada’s destruction mere weeks or months away at the hands of a totally serious and 100% real climate emergency, Canada’s leadership attended the victory parade as a last gasp before Canada fades into nothingness.
While millions are on the brink of imminent starvation and death, Canadian politicians mingled among citizens, offering their strong moral support for the helpless masses about to witness the total collapse of our civilization.
Showing tremendous courage and strength, the politicians were able to put on an air of confidence and even happiness, betraying no sign of the heavy weight of responsibility they carry on their shoulders as they will soon decide who lives and who dies amid mounting shortages of food and the basic necessities of life.
With the Canadian economy on the brink of total collapse as travel and commerce becomes impossible due to the destructive climate emergency, the politicians stood as beacons of strength and hope amid the ruination spreading across the land.
In the face of such a brutal and imminent disaster – a disaster that is obviously occurring at this very moment – our top leaders refused to let the emergency stand in the way of them joining citizens to celebrate the Raptors victory.
After months of hoarding and conserving precious and rare jet fuel, Canadian politicians were just barely able to fill up their jets and travel the large distance to attend the event, even as many worried about their safety considering the mounting shortage of parts to repair even basic vehicles, let alone advanced and expensive aircraft.
With airports crumbling due to the lack of available funds to repair runways and conduct maintenance, the politicians bravely took the risk in order to be at the parade no matter what.
Unfortunately, the climate emergency has caused such a shortage of resources that the politicians were unable to fly back on their jets, being forced to hitchhike across the nation to get back to our nation’s capital.
Thankfully, the military was out in full force – as we would of course expect in a 100% legitimate and totally real national emergency – in order to help escort our brave and visionary leaders back to Ottawa in order to deal with the climate emergency that is certainly happening at this very moment.
All other legislation has been put on hold, and there is a growing consensus on instituting a military draft, in order to ensure a strong organizational distribution of remaining foodstuffs and essentials such as toilet paper and soap – which are in short supply due to the ongoing climate emergency.
At press time, with our existence at stake, Canada’s brave and visionary Climate Minister Catherine McKenna has touted a new CO2 tax as the salvation of our crippled and desperate nation.
Photo – YouTube